I was feeling really bad about Darrik being gone on mother's day this year. But it ended up being a good day. Notice I didn't say great day. Brock was being a pill, again. But I love him.
I woke up to a really nice text message from Darrik. We went shopping before he left again and I got a new swimming suit for my girls trip to vegas, so I didn't get any presents on the actual day, but no worries. I loved the text he sent and it totally made me cry. He does a good job of letting me know I'm loved, needed and appreciated. I am a lucky girl.
I went to my new ward for the first time and everyone was very nice and helpful and Brock colored me a picture in nursery and gave me a pack of m&m's that they had put an 'o' over the & sign, so it said mom. And the young women passed out flowers to all the moms. We had a really good lesson on prophets and I met a bunch of new friends. So I wasn't AS sad that Darrik wasn't there to dote on me. It was a pretty good morning.
When we were leaving church, nursery specifically, Brock threw a huge tantrum. I had my church bag and his diaper bag and my new flower and I had to carry him out under my arm almost upside down, sideways like, kicking and screaming. In between the crying and carrying on he was telling everyone 'bye, bye, see ya' and waving as we were leaving. But he yelled louder when I tried to put him in his car seat. He hates his car seat.
I was glad that he went down for a good nap when we got home and I was able to sleep for a little bit as well. But when he woke up he was in a destructive mood, I guess the nap wasn't long enough? I was trying to wrap my mom's mother's day present and he thought it would be fun to stomp on the paper, and run away with the tape, and poke holes in the wrapped present. He also likes to throw things down the stairs, balls, shoes, toys etc. but this day he decided to throw cans of food down. I let him play in the lazy susan with the canned food all the time. He usually takes the cans out and walks them over to the kitchen table and lines them up there. I thought this was what he was doing until I heard a loud, thud, thud, thud.... a large can of food down the stairs. Needless to say we were late to dinner.
I was really missing Darrik then. I wanted to not be a mom on mother's day. But doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose of the day? I just needed a little break was all.
We went to my mom's for a BBQ later that day. My parents make really great food. My dad grilled and my mom did fruit and veggie tray and other yummy things. My sister's brought yummy food as well. My grandma Hansen and aunt Bonnie came over too. We had a nice afternoon/evening. Good food and company. I could stay at my parents all day. We have so much fun. Mother's day ended up being a really fun day.
Despite all the things I mentioned above, I am so grateful to be a mom. It has been really, really hard to be a single mom, and I have gained so much respect for the single mother. I definitely do not envy the single mom, but I 100% respect her. I have lost my patience on a number of occasions, forcefully held my kids head while trying to get him to eat the rest of his food, given a few spankings (which only make him more mad) raised my voice, growled, yelled, lost my temper and many other not so pleasant reactions to my child in the last month and a half. I work a lot and have to drive different places to pick Brock up so I really don't see him that much. When we get home, I feed him, bathe him, and get him ready for bed and put him to bed. What a BORING MOM, but I'm doing what I have to do, right? I really didn't feel like I deserved to be celebrated for mother's day. I feel like my babysitters and his grandma's see him more than I do. He kicks and screams when I pick him up to leave the babysitters, or tells me, 'bye mom, mommy bye bye.' and pushes me towards the door. I can't really blame him though, for a while there it was so boring to come home with me. He basically went to bed when we got home, no play time. I have made more time for that lately though, stops at the park on our way home, later bed time so we can have more time to be together for at least a little while. I did get a little break vacation last week and when I got home he was really excited to see mommy. So that was/has been good. Hopefully he won't think mom is so boring forever.
It is a hard job, motherhood, but I really would not change it for the world. I am so thankful that I have my little boy, and that I have the great privilege and honor to be called mommy. Being a mom is so fun, challenging, rewarding, painful, sad, exciting, surprising, funny, loud, creative and many more things. I love my little boy so much. He amazes me every day. Today he said, 'wah eer mou n' watermelon for those of you who don't speak Brock. It was so cute. And he has learned how to skip, his own way. More like a gallop, but I love love love it. I almost pee my pants laughing it's so cute. He was getting into the bath Saturday night and I said, 'hold on, it's too hot.' And he proceeded to blow on the water to cool it down. He can do different faces, mad face, happy face, silly face, scared face, crazy face. I can't even tell you how many words he know because he will say anything I ask him to, or try to at least. His latest is 'we're hoooomme.' In this sing song way, low at the beginning up in the middle and low at the end, every time we pull into our driveway. And he babbles on and on all day about everything, just talking to himself about things; balls, birdies, outside, doggies, movies, candy, treats, apple, mommy, daddy, nanny, poppy. He is very affectionate. Gives hugs and kisses a million times a day. Which I need, so we're a perfect match. If he sees an owie, a cut, scab, a mole, a zit he says, 'ouch' and has to give it a kiss. If we won't let him kiss us, teasing him, he will hold our face and force us to kiss him. Such a fun and funny kid. His little personality is coming out more and more each day, it may be a little crazy at times, but I adore it. He is definitely getting to his terrible two's. Throwing tantrums, and screaming at the top of his lungs. I have to just walk away. He knows the color blue, but everything is blue if I ask what color it is. But at least he doesn't say puppy or moo, when I ask him what color it is. He loves books and if I would allow it we would read all of his books several times a night before bed. I have to put a limit on it most nights. He also loves music. If he is fussy, or sad, or mad or upset that he has to brush his teeth I sing or put music on and he calms right down. He has to have the music playing in his room to sleep, most the time. One of my favorite moments was the other night. I was holding him and tyring to sing his bedtime song, Stay Awake by Mary Poppins, and he was getting so mad because he didn't want to go to bed. He kept telling me, 'all done mommy, all done, all done...' So I laid him in his bed and covered him up and asked him, 'do you want me to sing,' and he looked up at me and said, 'sin mommy, sin, sin, sin!!' (sin = sing) He was so excited for me to sing. I loved it. He also loves to dance. Oh my, does he love to dance. He'll get my phone and hand it to me and say, 'dins (dance) mommy' so I put a song on, most the time Single Ladies by Beyonce, and he will bounce and skip and wave his arms all over the place. Definitely takes after his mom on that one. But he can also sing the 'oh oh ohhh oh oh oh...' part right on pitch, and does it often. He will also bounce to the beat of anything, washing machine, dish washer, clapping, airplanes, anything that makes a noise pretty much. I love being a mom, even on the hard days because the good days (or good moments) are sooo good.
Well, in lieu of Mother's Day (a little late) I thought I'd give a little shout out to my own mom.
I just wanted to tell my mom how much I love and appreciate her. Even though we have our differences of opinions, and I tend to over analyze things and get offended, and she thinks that I think she is a bad mom on occasion, she is still my mom, and I love her so much, (and I really do not think that she is a bad mom, just for the record). My mom and I very different. I'm a talker, she is not, I love peanut butter she only likes it in things, I am 5' 4", have dark brown hair and hazel eyes, she is 5' 0" and has blonde hair and blue eyes. I like big parties and vacations, she likes things more low key. She is a perfectionist in everything she does and is the best at folding towels, I am so not. I hate blood, blood doesn't bother her. She is tough and has a high threshold for pain, I am a pansy. Despite our differences, she is still the woman who raised me, taught me, loved me, spanked me, kissed my owies, chased me, fed me, CHANGED me. I'm so grateful for all the things that she has done for me over the years that has helped me become the mother that I am today. I know that I am the person I am today because of my mom. I also know that I can do the things required of me as a mom because she has taught me how (whether inadvertent or intentional). If I don't know I can always call her. Every time I have a question about anything, but mostly about Brock, I call my mom. She is always calm about things. I am always freaking out. She always knows exactly what to do, and always calls (or texts) me later to follow up about it. My mom really loves and cares about her kids. Even if we don't always know it or if she doesn't always show it on the outside. Whenever I am driving or flying somewhere far, she will call or text to make sure I've made it there safely. Or if it's late, she'll text to make sure I didn't fall asleep driving. My mom has taught me about the importance of modesty and curfews, how to cook and has given me many if not all of the recipes I use every day, how to clean, and not just tidy up, or surface clean, my mom is the queen of deep clean, (not that my house or her house is spotless, but when we clean, it's really good), she also taught us to crank up the music on Saturday mornings and sing and dance while we clean, and I still do that to this day, and she taught us how to ride down the stairs in sleeping bags, how to burp the abc's or the name ralph, and one very important lesson that I have tried to teach Brock, don't do for your kids what they can do for themselves. I love this concept. She has taught us independence, well, tried to teach us, some of us still need some help (me). My mom also told me when I first was a cheerleader in High School to be a nice person. She said to me, 'I want you to be known as the nicest girl at your school. I want you to be nice to everyone.' I don't think I actually achieved this title, but I did try. She didn't want me to get caught up in the, 'I'm a cheerleader, I'm too popular, or cool for you' crowd, or get too stuck up and forget my friends just because I was became a cheerleader. That advice helped me a lot. Whether or not I really was as nice as I should have been, those words stuck out in my mind, and I will never forget them. My mom also put me in swimming lessons from the time I was little, like 18 months or younger and I am so grateful for that because I know how to swim and I'm not afraid of the water. My mom is also so much fun to be around. She does the funniest things, and keeps us laughing all day. At Christmas time she will sing the song, It's beginning to look a lot like Kristy, that's her name. Before every one of my sister's soccer games she would tell her, 'good luck, don't suck.' What mom says that. I love it. She is so real. She's great. She also laughs so hard she cries. She is so cute. I am so grateful for the patience she has had with me too, because I really was not the best kid. But she doesn't remember the bad things I did. (That's what great mom's do, they only remember the good stuff) I have to remind her. I'll say to her, I'm sorry I was such a hard kid mom, and she says, you weren't bad. And I say, yes I was remember when I used to cut your contacts (I say used to and contactS, plural, because it happened more than once), or when I cut your sewing machine cord, or taught myself how to iron my own clothes and I burned an iron mark in the carpet, or when I hit balls against the side of the house and dented it all up? And she will say, oh ya, I forgot about all that. And last but not least, my mom is beautiful. She doesn't think that she is, and hate pictures and won't go very many places when she hasn't gotten ready for the day, but she really is. Just look at her below, isn't she cute?! I think so. I love you mom! Happy Mother's Day. (a little late)
